Sunday, January 30, 2011

Don't Stop Believing...

Recently, I've had this song on repeat on my iPod:  Don't Stop Believin' (Glee version)

Whenever I feel downtrodden, it lifts my spirits... I'm a bit of a sucker for cheese.   And I'm not afraid to say it. :)

But seriously, Journey had something right when they wrote this song...

We may not be able to choose what happens to us all the time, but we can choose how we react. Negativity usually begets more negativity--it's a downward spiral.  But smile at the world, and it often smiles with you.

I've become a bit disenchanted with the whole academic enterprise, with all the reports about slashed budgets, fewer positions, and an overall bleak job outlook for my field... but I really want to finish this dissertation and earn my degree, no matter what I end up doing with it.  Don't stop believing in achieving the dream. 

We can move mountains if we want to--see Tunisia and Egypt.  Our voices can and should be heard.  Don't stop believing in our power to affect change. 

When it comes to matters of the heart, as Jamie Randall says in Love and Other Drugs: "You meet thousands of people, and then you meet one person, and your life is changed… forever." And when it's the real deal, it's the real deal.  Don't stop believing in true love.    

And as far as matters of faith are concerned... questions and doubts abound sometimes.  I believe there's a reason for everything though, and asking the questions, trying to make sense of it all is half the fun.  Don't stop believing...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Le regard de l'autre... through the eyes of my father

Speaking of the other's gaze, it's been wonderful to have my dad around for the past ten days or so.  We went all around town, and his gaze was drawn to things I've never given a second glance... Oh, look at that, Mary, what are THOSE for?  I had never even noticed the teeny-tiny chimneys on rooftops all over!  He wanted to drink everything in and kept exclaiming how beautiful the city is (he's right :)).  Even the landscapes and images he tried to capture on film were different.  Kinda makes you wonder what it might be like to be in someone else's brain for a minute... is the way I perceive the physical world the same as the way someone else does?  Probably not. 

As for how he views others, he wanted to jump right in and get involved in the action.  He's like that in the United States, too, and it just might be where I got my tendency to talk to random strangers (though I'm more inclined to do it in the U.S. than here).  In Paris, he wanted to greet people and interface with them, like he does back home.  He wanted to look into their eyes, SEE them, and I wanted to avert my gaze and blend into the background as much as possible.  Why? Because that's kinda what you do in Paris, and I had assumed the others' gaze (without worrying too much about my own), so as to avoid being on the receiving end of theirs.  You know, avoid any potentially embarrassing situations!  Try not to bother anyone!

The reality is, the general response to my father's gaze was always one of welcome, amusement, and kindness... in Geneva, a café owner offered us a second round of coffee and apricot juice; in Paris, we made friends with two servers at a crêperie, one who actually apologized for her chilly welcome (she had scarcely said bonjour) and explained that she wasn't normally like that, that mankind had been getting her down lately.  She thanked us for our smiles, my dad gave her his famous cheesecake recipe (which I then had to translate--whoa, metric measurements and words like "springform pan"), and she finished up her shift with a smile on her face and a bounce in her step.  The other server saw us in the street the next day and stopped to shake our hands and ask how our visit was going.  At the Chinese/Japanese restaurant we went to, the owner offered us an after-dinner drink.  And on the way back to Geneva, we met a lovely couple, Marco and Létitia, who invited us to come to their Italian restaurant (I LOOOOVE Italian food).

We went there for lunch the next day (sidebar: we had some difficulty finding the place initially... our taxi driver suggested we call information at 118, since the restaurant didn't seem to be at the address I had found on Google.  I did, only to discover that I had called the FIREMEN!  At first, I thought this was a very disappointing linguistic error on my part with respect to the number, but no, as I discovered thanks to the interwebs and a fiery debate over the subject (pun intended!), the number for information in France is 118, and here in Switzerland it is 1811... for the folks who live on the border, not so easy to keep all the numbers straight! The fireman on the end of the line graciously gave me the correct number for information, and it turns out I had the right address.  The restaurant was just set back a bit from the street and not easily visible), and they offered us a complimentary apéro, an extra pizza, and a free dessert.  Seriously, when others see my dad, they must think:  give him something!!! :)  I will miss having him around (not just because of the free goodies), but I'll try to keep a bit of his vision... eyes wide with wonder, trying to see and drink in every sight and sound.

Le Regard de l'autre... Israel/Palestine and religion

To continue on with this idea about the other's gaze, I'd like to reflect on a recent trip to Israel/Palestine and the role of religion in general.

When I arrived at the Jerusalem airport, one of the first things I was asked when I got off the plane and was waiting for a sherut to fill up with passengers was:  "Are you Jewish?"  Soon after, a Moroccan taxi driver told me, out-of-the-blue, with no preamble, "I hate the Palestinians."  The only thing I could think of was WHY?  I couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever even seen a Palestinian, sat down for coffee with one, looked him squarely in the eyes.  There would be plenty of emotions there...  And I wonder if that sea of emotions would prevent that Palestinian from truly seeing the Israeli, too.

The real question is why does the lens of religion so often determine our perceptions?  Once there is a label assigned, a corresponding reaction is developed.  And it wasn't just in Israel.  The question of my faith came up in Cairo quite a bit, too, only there the question was:  "Are you Muslim?"  I would reply, "No, no, I'm Catholic, you know--ahl al-Kitab (people of the Book!)"  This prompted amused smiles, and I even had an interesting conversation with one of the guards at the Citadel about religion and inter-faith marriages, what works, what doesn't. 

Overall, my experiences in both countries, juxtaposed one after the other just confirmed what I already believed about religion.  First, we should all be so lucky as to be free to practice our religion as we see fit: Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Pagan, Zoroastrian, whatever.  Faith isn't about twisting an arm or burning at the stake in order to force conversion.  We can arrive at these conclusions on our own, hearing the voice of God or the Universe as it speaks to us.  Second, the instant religion is invoked to inflict pain or suffering on another individual, I think it is no longer serving its purpose.  No religion has the monopoly, and I think it's truly about teaching us how to live with one another peacefully (even if through history it has led to quite the opposite).  I happen to enjoy practicing my faith as a Catholic, but I don't hate anyone who doesn't share my beliefs. 

There seems to be one common thread across all faiths and life philosophies, and I think that's the primary thing we should be focusing on... 

Judaism: From the Torah~Leviticus 19:18: "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself." (This verse was actually written on the wall between Palestine and Jerusalem.)

The 20th-century Jewish theologian Will Herberg argued that "justice" is at the heart of the Jewish notion of love, and the foundation for Jewish law: "The ultimate criterion of justice, as of everything else in human life, is the divine imperative — the law of love .... Justice is the institutionalization of love in society .... This law of love requires that every man be treated as a Thou, a person, an end in himself, never merely as a thing or a means to another's end. When this demand is translated into laws and institutions under the conditions of human life in history, justice arises.

Islam:  From the Qur'an~41:33: Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!

60:8: Allah does not forbid you respecting those who have not made war against you on account of (your) religion, and have not driven you forth from your homes, that you show them kindness and deal with them justly; surely Allah loves the doers of justice.

From the Hadith-~"You will not enter paradise until you have faith; and you will not complete your faith till you love one another." (Muslim)
 
Christianity: John 13:34~A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

1 John 3:18 : "Little children, let us not love in word or speech but in deed and truth".

Buddhism:  The Buddha taught the following to his son Rahula (from "Old path white clouds" by Thich Nhat Hahn): "Rahula, practice loving kindness to overcome anger. Loving kindness has the capacity to bring happiness to others without demanding anything in return.  Practice compassion to overcome cruelty. Compassion has the capacity to remove the suffering of others without expecting anything in return.  Practice sympathetic joy to overcome hatred. Sympathetic joy arises when one rejoices over the happiness of others and wishes others well-being and success.  Practice non-attachment to overcome prejudice. Non-attachment is the way of looking at all things openly and equally. This is because that is. Myself and others are not separate. Do not reject one thing only to chase after another.  I call these the four immeasurables. Practice them and you will become a refreshing source of vitality and happiness for others."
Hinduism:  The religious teacher Sri Ramakrishna (1836–1886) taught that "Lovers of God do not belong to any caste . . . A brahmin without this love is no longer a brahmin. And a pariah with the love of God is no longer a pariah. Through bhakti (devotion to God) an untouchable becomes pure and elevated."

Secular Humanism:  Carl Sagan~ "For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."

"The earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity -- in all this vastness -- there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. It's been said that astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."

To sum it up, all you need is love, no matter where you sit.  If anyone has other examples of religious traditions or philosophies that focus on the same thing, feel free to comment or share a quote..,

Le Regard de l'Autre...

As someone who studies colonialism and post-colonialism, I'm often thinking about "Le Regard de l'Autre" (the Other's Gaze).  How do we perceive others, and how do others perceive us?  When misperceptions take place, what is actually the root cause of them?  Perhaps the real problem is that we're not willing to look our neighbor, the one we call the Other, the one who certainly is nothing like ME, straight in the eye.  Instead, we cast sidelong glances or make eye contact only to look away...

Aside from my area of study, several recent experiences have prompted me to do a series of blog posts to reflect on this idea... the Other's Gaze. 

To start, let's consider a warm-up activity my improv theater group does from time to time.  Pick a partner, any partner, stand facing each other, about two feet apart, and look  at each other directly in the eyes... first, just to SEE them.  Your eyes can wander a little bit on their face, but the point is really to lock gazes.  And the exercise lasts for about five minutes or so, just this first part.  Let me tell you, it's not easy.  The immediate reaction is nervous, twittering laughter, followed by looking away.  How often do you truly lock eyes with someone you hardly know, and when you do, how long does that eye contact truly last?

For the second part of the exercise, an emotion is chosen, and you have to continue looking into each other's eyes, only this time you're communicating something... anger that this person has just stabbed you in the back, happiness that you are finally reunited with a long-lost friend, sympathy for a friend who has just lost a parent.  It's really hard to sustain what feels like a genuine emotion through extended eye contact.. but there really is so much that can be communicated there, if we just look.  I need to practice looking with compassion, rather than a critical eye.  And I guess we all could do better at that, huh?